Ah the good ol’ days.
Well, more accurately, the past as we perceive through a hazy nostalgic set of goggles which are adjusted to a setting that only allows us to acknowledge only what we want to see, deflecting and ignoring the things that don’t feed into the false ideal and image that we choose to project to others and ourselves, consciously or unconsciously. That’s an accurate description of how I used to see things, and at times still do, thinking that my eyes were wide open to reality when really I was asleep to my present and seeing my history for what it was. And what my past days were…well, they weren’t as “good” as I liked to pretend they were.
One of the things that happens in recovery, especially early recovery, is the romanticism of the drinking past. We select the things about the past that grooves with us, conveniently forgetting the pain, suffering, damage, consequences and regret that came with sprees and/or daily chugging. We recall the salad days, poisonous vinaigrette and all. Our enablers, our fellow alcoholics, our hard drinkers all of a sudden lose their hard and ragged edges over time and recall them as “chums”, “mates” and “pals”. We lose the hard images of vomit sprayed over countless backsplashes and weepy 3 am remorse calls to who knows who on the phone and instead opt for the clean lines of that IKEA-like polished shiny past of “must have been the popcorn shrimp I had,” and “caught up with old friends late at night”. The rationalization machine kicks in and time starts to wipe away the jagged lines and dirty crumbs as easily as ShamWow tackles Diet Shasta spills and stubborn grass stains.
This whitewashing of the ugly past isn’t as easy as deleting our History on a web browser. This is Facebook type stuff – it will never go away no matter what we do. It’s out there for good. We cannot do the Curly Shuffle around a crime scene and call it performance art. We can try and camouflage, conceal and cloak all we want, but how we lived and what we did will eventually make it’s way through the Maze of Minimization and tap us on the shoulder and punch us on the nose. Howdy, remember me?
Of course I remember you. I created you. And tried to bury you and yet you keep coming back. Are you related to Jason Voorhees? Just as nasty and frightening, with one less chainsaw, mind you.
This sterilization of our past deeds and behaviours and way of thinking is one way that the illness operates. It tries to convince us that things weren’t that bad, that we’re probably overreacting, that the Brother Grimm episodes in our lives were really just sepia-toned tomfoolery. The Little Rascals type jocularity. Light-hearted Leave it to Beaver stuff with a bong and Triple Sec thrown in for grime and crime. Perhaps they were just Rights of Passage material. Who hasn’t passed out on the bathroom floor at one point in their young, Anne of Green Gables life now and then? Who hasn’t woken up in a hospital bed with unknown maladies and injuries? Who hasn’t forced themselves inappropriately on someone’s partner or co-worker? I mean…this is just fun stuff, playful, self-indulgent, no?
Not always.
The dangerous part of looking back fondly is that it’s all an illusion wrangled up by our alcoholism to lull us into getting a punched ticket back to the bottle. It’s a way of romanticising the Dance with the Devil with the Blue Dress (Puked) On and to entice our minds to conform to the old way of doing things. The “good ol’ days” mentality is a mirage manufactured to turn our attention back to the problem, and away from the solution. Alcoholism hates solutions that involves drying it out, putting it in a corner and crowning it with a Dunce Hat. Alcoholism fights for it’s life. It never goes away. But we do put it in remission. If we work for it. And the siren calls of those good times is often too much for the alcoholic who is struggling, or not equipped with the tools of recovery to manage things when those ripples from the past reach us and look for response. Justification is one of many cards that alcoholism plays, and rewinding and playing the good bits of our past is a way of playing that card. A “remember when”, stripped of it’s jarring and sordid details.
I remember many, many years ago talking to a co-worker / friend who had opened up about his cocaine problem. He would speak about the drug and drugging in loving ways. His memories and tales were wrapped up in gloss and glissando. He swooned when he spoke of the highs and the great social magical properties it seemed to have. Like a doting grandparent, his Wee One could do no wrong and preemed the romantic cocaine fantasy into a more solid reality than it really was. I remember cutting him off at one point and asking “Hey G, if it was so good, then why were you in detox and treatment? Didn’t you get fired and lose your girlfriend, etc?” His head turned to the side, eyes fled downward and he muttered something along the lines of “yeah, but”…his voice faded and walked away.
I didn’t understand how G could have seen things the way that he did, but at the time I wasn’t as ensconced in my alcoholism as I was until later. I was certainly in the grips of the grape, but hadn’t travelled to the far land of the Blackout yet and hadn’t received my visas to get into Hospital Land and the Duchy of Destruction. And of course I would remember G when years later I was in the exact same boat, waxing nostalgic over drunken bouts and flights of fancy al fresco. Except I was having the conversation with myself, not a colleague. I would sit and remember what it was like when X, or the days that I felt Y or all those occasions when I got big Z. My blue-penciled past was the sanitized snap shot that my alcoholism liked to parade around me when I was feeling vulnerable or out of sorts. And that sort of stealth attack can still happen today. The difference is that today I can see it for what it is – a lie.
You see, here’s the deal. I did have some wonderful times when drinking. Alcohol did for me what I couldn’t do for myself for some time – I was able to talk to women, I was able to squelch the self-destructive thoughts, I was able to laugh, I was able to strike up conversations, I was able to look the world in the eye…even if it was momentarily. I felt normal and and alive. I found the courage to be open and be a part of things and seemingly blend in with humanity. I had found the switch to turn me from dud to stud (ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves). So I won’t deny that alcohol didn’t work at all in my life. It did for a short while and that’s why I went back to it over and over again. But the window of magic closed quickly. And I tried to hit that window more and more and found myself overshooting the mark more and more. And that’s when alcohol stopped being fun. I couldn’t recapture those fun times again. And the truth is that I never will. Ever.
What it comes down to is that the “good ol’ days” aren’t. They may have been, but will never be again. And that’s because alcoholism is progressive. We can’t just freeze frame alcoholism to it’s perfect nadir. It moves on even when we don’t want it to. We can’t compare ourselves to others who can take or leave ethanol. They are the ones who can party, post some pics online, laugh a bit, and move on. We don’t. We can’t. We shouldn’t. And once again, we can’t. I can’t. Ever. So that’s what I have had to make peace with. Going back through the old photo albums, with faded and yellowed images, pointing to the good times, to Old Self, to a time when fuzzy dice, fizzy drinks and floozy fun ruled does us no good. Time to start a new album. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, for me to look back and think that everything was great, is a delusion.
Sure there was that short period when all was lovely and gay, but when the darkness descended and the TIE fighters started to scramble around and attack from within and life started to swirl downward and when I pushed people out of my life, when my marriage suffered, when I lied, cheated, stole to keep up the many lies I created, when work suffered, when my depression and anxiety swelled to horrific states, when my self-loathing hit high…there was no room for fun. Fun fled fleet-footedly out of the picture long ago. I had wrung the fun out of drinking long ago. And in return it put me through the wringer. So it’s delusional of me to hark back and think that things can be like the delightful days of yore. It’s not possible.
In the final analysis, I am on a timeline that shifts and changes and grows. It swells and contracts. It takes me along paths that I sometimes can and sometimes cannot control. I can only react to what it going on, and have faith that I am being moved to where I need to be moved to. The festive days of youth are no more, in regards to alcohol. They were and then they were not enjoyable. It was a part of my journey that needed a start. And believe me, I had a long middle and ugly finish. I am now on a new journey. I don’t regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it. I use my past, the glowing parts and the dingy parts, as a way of moving through my path today. I can’t go back, nor do I wish to. I can’t hold on to the illusion that things will be groovy and wavy-gravy again. Because for the most part, they never were. The big gaping holes in my memory grew larger as I move in my alcoholism. The bright spots were few and far between until I was just existing. Just barely breathing. And the longer I choose to stay in those old times, the more I stay stagnant in my recovery. I can’t see where I am going when I am looking in the rear view mirror all the times, as they say. I can’t colour my past in techni-colour when in fact it was all battleship gray.
Romanticism. Justification. Fantasy. Rationalization. Delusion.
If we were playing cards, this would be alcoholism’s full house. But I am not at the table. I am there, that guy over there, enjoying something else…called life. A sober life, staying in the present.
And it’s beautiful.
Yep…cashed in my chips and what do you know? I won!
Great post Paul.
Sherry
Great post, Paul. The images really make it flow. I can totally relate. My romanticization of drinking prevented me from seeing what a huge draw and problem it had become in my life. You hit the nail on the head: it was fun once in awhile and most other instances were spent trying to recapture the fun and mostly failing miserably. Thanks for the insights!
It was fun while it was fun and then it wasn’t. Even when it was fun I can still see how unhealthy my drinking was. I wasn’t a “normal” drinker who suddenly couldn’t drink anymore. I remind myself of that often. Great post about the danger of romanticism!
“But the window of magic closed quickly” … my favorite line. Sometimes I get a bit jealous at your ability to articulate the bowels of active alcoholism. A lot to ponder in one post my friend. On a closing note: Life …It is beautiful isn’t it 🙂 Thanks for being a friend.
Batman on an elephant. Hahaha! I adore you Paul, have a great week!
What a wonderful post. I need to burn this on my brain. I honestly don’t think people who are in early recovery can ever hear this stuff enough because it truly is one of the hugest hurdles.
THIS…
“What it comes down to is that the “good ol’ days” aren’t. They may have been, but will never be again. And that’s because alcoholism is progressive. We can’t just freeze frame alcoholism to it’s perfect nadir. It moves on even when we don’t want it to. We can’t compare ourselves to others who can take or leave ethanol. They are the ones who can party, post some pics online, laugh a bit, and move on. We don’t. We can’t. We shouldn’t. And once again, we can’t. I can’t. Ever. So that’s what I have had to make peace with.”
…Sums it up so, so perfectly for me. That’s where I’m at – realising that’s the reality and struggling to make peace with it. But I am still at the point I have to remind myself of this constantly, over and over, as in pretty much daily still. Gives me hope it gets easier too.
Thank you.
xo
I’m new here….4 days sober…again. I loved so much about your post. You spoke my mind. Funny so many on here do! Comforting in a weird way. Ha! I guess because we are addicts!
Related so much to….Alcoholism hates solutions that involves drying it out, putting it in a corner and crowning it with a Dunce Hat. Alcoholism fights for it’s life. It never goes away.
WOW! Boy does it fight, I put on my boxing gloves this time!
Thank you!
Sharon
Deliveredagain@wordpress.com
CONGRATS..You’ve arrived..The line I’ll never ‘eva forget? One is too many and a thousand isn’t enough! Over ten years for me; and honestly? I stopped counting..I recall the good times…BUT I also recall the BAD times alot more..I also recall that there are times that I do NOT recall..And what I can say to you as a newcomer? HANG ON in there..Its so so awesome to be delivered..Alcohol does something to me after 2 sips..2 sips! Was that way from the very beginning..Yet I never stopped after 2 sips..The key? Never convincing yourself that just a tiny bit is alright. It isn’t..Some of us just can’t take poison into our bodies..There was never a time I ingested alcohol(even wine; which I switched to cause I thought I could hold it in; I could not) that by nights end; I was face down in the toilet. Vomitting it out..My body just can’t tolerate the poison. Long as I was dancing, and dancing, and dancing it was all good..But soon as I sat still? It was coming OUT..Those are the times I remember the most when I need to recall. Which honestly isn’t often..I’ve no desire for it at all. I’m now the designated driver for LIFE. Because almost everyone else drinks! And some folks can handle it; my body and my being; can’t. And once a person realizes that its all gravy..And to the original poster? OUTSTANDING MESSAGE..2 thumbs UP. It really IS a beautiful LIFE
Sometimes I write in my blog ‘lovely wine’ or ‘beloved wine’ and I remember how much I loved it.. and when I describe a pull to drink as a ‘pang’ it smacks of a romantic longing. But it’s all bullshit and I am on to that shitty bullshit my addiction is trying to play on me. I did love love love drinking wine but it was all a fallacy and the longer I spend sober the more I see that the ‘love’ that I equated with wine drinking was actually a ‘love’ I have for happy contentment and fun. It’s true.. in fact as I write this comment it is really cementing this for me. Great stuff Paul, really thought provoking.. cheers xxxx
Gorgeous post. I’m 13 months sober and still facing the slippery slope. I’m bookmarking this for later.
I don’t think I could say it any better than the comments ahead of me… what you wrote is beautiful, spot-on, and could be re-posted every day for the rest of time, because that is how often we in recovery need to hear it!
The addiction works until it doesn’t. The thing that keeps me from romanticizing the drinking and that i hope i never forget is the remorse. The remorse the next day was more debilitating than any migraine to the point the only way to deal with it was drinking it away or a faster form of suicide.
Perfectly written. I also debate “how good were the good times?” within my head. Yeah there were a handful of goods and a freight train full of bads. I recently had a discussion over dinner with family members about the transition many young adults make from high school to college and the infamous drinking games many partake in order to have fun, be accepted, etc….the good times. Some have fun and walk away unscathed. Some pretend to have fun and walk away unscathed. Some get sucked into a lifetime of drinking and some unfortunately die young. As a father of young kids I have a little bit of time to keep my shit in order,figure out as much as I can and be a good influence for them when that time comes. Yet we all know, we all had to do what we did in order to be where we are now. As it relates to this post? It’s timeless. Fast forward to the future, kiddies, and read this post of yours.
Hi Paul, thanks for sharing this-I’m not an alcoholic, but someone very close to me is and this makes me think of the hell that she went through to make it back to where she is now. Mostly I picture someone’s recovery as being a torturous withdrawal, but this is another interesting perspective on what people go through when they are trying to break the habit. Glad to know that ultimately you were not seduced by the glossy, doctored images of your past.
Well alcohol still works for us! Too bad you are not able to enjoy it with us anymore. I think a huge problem lays in the way the world sees people who love to drink. They treat us as outcast, so one may feel as outcast. Well not the Lords of the Drinks! We drink hard and heavy and don’t plan to quit that!
Sure we are familiar with the problems alcohol can get you into, but it’s totally worth it! Don’t take our word for it? Try listening to these guys…
http://lordsofthedrinks.wordpress.com/category/quotes-and-sayings/
ya have the right to your beliefs,when reality punches you in the nose it seems that you know where to go.LQL what do they say “keep coming back”
Yes sir… Sometimes you will get a huge slap in the face because of alcohol. The key is not to let that hold you down. When one door closes, another one opens! I see too many times that people want to quit drinking or slow down because other people tell them they have a problem… I say: if you like your life, who cares what they say? The modern standard by which alcoholism is measured is a joke!
And what is that standard? It is easy to troll a recovery blog and slap folks in the face with your ideals of drink until you drop. If you don’t have a problem why bother those that do? Folks in recovery ain’t outcasting you, folks who are still hanging on to the temperance movement are outcasting you. I would believe that you would want respect for your beliefs. Then respect those who have come to realize that their life has become unmanageable because of their addiction to mind altering substances. If somebody in recovery is giving you a hard time tell’em to go talk to their sponsor and leave you alone.
I think you actually have a point there… Wasn’t really trying to troll anyone. It’s just that aacording to modern alcohol tests almost every person has a serious problem with alcohol. I say if you can function with it, why not?!
But you are right that when one’s life becomes unmanageable, it’s good to quit and I wish them all the best to stay off booze!
Thank you for your understanding. Something I heard once [the “professional” never had a problem substance abuse counselor freaked out when I related where I heard it from] that if you wonder if you are an alcoholic go buy a fifth of your favorite hard booze and drink only one shot a day until the bottle is empty, if you succeed in drinking that single shot a day without drinking anymore than that one shot then odds are ya ain’t an alcoholic. One warning to ya though LOTD if you believe you might have a problem do not try to quit on your own cause alcohol addiction ain’t just a mental trip, it is physiological as well as psychological, and I know folks that died and that gets plenty serious. Take care and may God grant you His Peace+++
Same to you! All the best!
You know this is like blowing cigarette smoke into the face of someone battling lung cancer right? Or offering candy to a diabetic? Or lobster to someone deathly allergic to shellfish?
Alcoholics cannot drink without ultimately fatal consequences.
I’m all for a good joke, and maybe I’m overreacting, but this just seemed a little off-base. I’m happy for you that you can drink and enjoy it, but no need to rub salt in our wounds. We do that enough ourselves.
~ Christy
Well my grandma died because of alcohol before I was born and my parents are worried as fuck that I will end up the same. So I think I’m quite aware of the damage alcohol can do.
Still you don’t become an alcoholic over night. The key is to have interests and goals next to drinking in my opinion!
You are incredibly tone deaf.
Whatever you say my dear!
We all have some addiction. Mine was food. I wrote about it on my blog today. If you get chance give it a fast read. It almost killed me.
Great post. My father is an alcoholic and I saw a lot of him in your examples. It’s all fun and games until it’s not fun or funny. He hit rock bottom after I left for college, but it nearly ripped his marriage and several relationships apart prior to his wake up. No amount of nostalgia or amusing boozy anecdote can make up for the loss caused by alcoholism.
Lucky for me, my Mom, and my brother he did wake up. It’s amazing how a relationship can blossom and improve without the blurry haze of alcohol obstructing it. He was a good Dad in spite of his drinking. He’s a great Dad free of its negative hold.
My girlfriend always looks at me when I begin some of those stories about my rather wild youth and goes,”You miss it don’t you”?Absolutely,hell yes sometimes I do.But in the really real world,things like taking three day speed and booze binges to distant cities or doing cocaine off a stripper’s panty hamster can’t continue forever.There is a time and place to be young and foolish,but one day you wake up naked in a strangers bathroom,covered in frosting and go “What the hell am I doing with my life”?
Personally,what kicked it in for me was having to drive back from a date gone bad, trashed on cocaine that had been cut with what I later found out to be heroin.I barely made it home alive,and didn’t come down until in the middle of work the next night.Whenever the twangy twitchy vibes of nostalgia start creeping trough my brain,I remember that 36 minute drive home, and they are no more.
It’s only glossed over until you learn to rub the window clear.
Love the mix of pictures and words! Well said my friend!
Wow Super impressed with this post. This is so sincere, touching and well-written. You have graphically and eloquently described the truth of alcoholism. This is a post that I am sure I will come back and re-read. I wish I could make others in my life see the truth of what you have written here. Alcohol is so deceptive in nature – and so convincing. Thank you for speaking the truth of this. Alcohol is so glorified in our society – it is EVERYWHERE, always looking glamorous, beautiful, fun. They rarely show the side AFTER that. Such a farce. And I think the idea of romanticizing the past is something we all do, about lots of things – college, high school, that relationship, etc.
Anywayy, thank you so much for writing. All the best and many prayers on your journey in sobriety! It’s the real-deal life.
honestly an amazing article
I think when a person is truly ready to stop drinking they don’t look back and see the good times. I think the only thing you see are the things you lost. if you’re still in love with drinking you might as well keep doing it because you’re probably going to go back. That said, I don’t believe an alcoholic has truly recovered until they can sit at a bar and watch other people drink and not feel the smallest urge to do the same. As long as you have to avoid alcohol it’s still controlling some part of your mind. It’s still the big, bad wolf who has some sort of power over your life. And that isn’t recovery. That’s simply trading one weakness for another.
Paul,
I did enjoy beer, the taste of beer, the effect of being drunk, cocaine melting and the numbing sensation in the back of my throat, like I did enjoy a day at the park with friends, sober, and living in the moment. But it was not being drunk or high that I enjoyed, but the time I spent with my friends. Drugs and alcohol were the icing. Came a time when I didn’t enjoy the cake anymore, but only the icing. Great if friends tagged along, as long as beer was at the rendez-vous. I do have fond memories of some late nights. Until the nights got longer, and they were suddenly mornings, and a long weekend. And they became a lifestyle. It wasn’t the back of my throat that cocaine was numbing. It was my life that I was anesthetizing. And there is little I will glorify during that very long part of my life.
Great post, Paul.
Le Clown
“Drugs and alcohol were the icing. Came a time when I didn’t enjoy the cake anymore, but only the icing. ”
After a while, I didn’t even like the icing (and it certainly didn’t like me), I only enjoyed how it made me feel. That changed after a while too, for better or for worse.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, Paul. Remember how I said things invariably work out when we stop sweating the details, stats, etc.? This is very awesome.
Very happy to see attention being devoted to such an important and widespread issue. Way to go, WordPress team. – Christy
Nice message brother.
Life is beautiful and thank God you are sober to see it and write such a beautiful piece 🙂
–Deepa
This was so beautifully written, although I must admit I missed a few of the references (I need to brush up on American pop culture). Thank you for sharing.
What a great post – thank you for sharing this!
I am not an alcoholic, nor do I know anyone who is/was. However, I recently realised a truth about myself and that is that I was drinking too heavily and it was making me become a pretty ugly person… I became extremely argumentative, would have complete loss of memory of entire nights, etc. It wasn’t nice. And when talking to a psychiatrist about other things, it dawned on me. And so I immediately introduced the STOP button to myself. Oh, and water. Lots of it. During and after a night of drinking.
I haven’t stopped drinking, but I have learned that there is a limit to how much one actually *really* needs in a night, and I now stop myself when I reach that point. Luckily I am extremely stubborn and have that self-discipline to listen to me.
Good luck for the rest of your journey 🙂
Great post and must say the blog too……..
excellent post. If I’m “reading between the lines” correctly… your ability to overcome the temptation of alcohol is a direct result of romanticizing the correct things in life. When we “romanticize” the correct things in life, it is not an exaggerated romanticizing, but rather a romantic reality with the beauty and joy found in the gift of life itself, which requires not a numbing of reality through drunkenness, but a full awareness and experiencing of the difficulties and blessings which compliment each other in the “bittersweet symphony” of life. Wow, you’re writing is inspiring.
Like another reader, I got a kick out of the Batman on an elephant photo. That was cornball weird.
Your line “Alcoholism fights for it’s life” was the eye-catcher, thought-stopper for me, however. I never thought about alcoholism or addiction as having a “life” of it’s own.
Me? I’m neither addict nor alcoholic. I’m one of those “take it or leave it” folks you mentioned. However, alcoholism has touched my life through relatives and friends. And personally, I have made some study of the 12 Steps, and incorporated various aspects if them into my own spiritual life.
You have a wonderfully colourful writing style. Keep up the good work on sobriety, and sharing the message of hope!
Good post, I am struggling with some of the same things just in different areas. One line from a song that I like to remember when dealing with romanticizing the past is “the good ole days weren’t always good and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems”. One thing I would like to add is that denial is a vicious bitch. Take care and keep it clean.
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. You have done a great job of exposing the romantic illusion that makes it possible to justify any behavior, thought or action with respect to alcohol.
A great post indeed ! Love it 🙂 xx
I am trying to think of something witty to say, then I asked myself what do I know about being alcoholic and my mind went blank. I am certain that I feel lucky that I am not an alcoholic because you said it yourself, you couldn’t recapture those fun times again and i always want to remember the good ol’ days. I want to thank you because I am actually glad that I was able to read a post and somehow meet a person that is trying to become sober.
One day at a time my friend…one day at a time!
I’m not an alcoholic (never really developed a taste for it) but I used to date one. I remember the extravagant and exaggerated excuses for his morning love affair with the toilet bowl; the alleged ‘dodgy’ kebab (that he ate three days earlier); the kitchen cleaning frenzy before cooking to stave off ‘food poisoning’ (remarkably unsuccessful). I remember the long romantic walks through the snow in the moonlight when no cab would pick him up; the ruined social occasions as, drink flowing, he would flirt with anyone and anything in a skirt (and I do mean anything – there was even a memorable conversation with a frilly-skirted chair at a party once). He loved socialising and could talk about anything to anyone (usually with a total disregard for the opinion of the other person, any verifiable facts or actual knowledge relating to the topic). The man could bullshit for England. I loved him sober; admired his loquacity after the first two drinks; could even handle him tipsy; but I hated him drunk and belligerent, and hungover he was worse than intolerable. It was hair of the dog, or better leave him to it. When it came to his spending money earmarked for other things (bills) on home-brewing equipment as an investment toward mass producing the cheapest possible pint for his own personal consumption, the fantasy that he would grow out of his no longer age-appropriate irresponsible streak finally died as I realised his priority would always be the next drink. It was nothing personal, I just didn’t hold the same appeal for him as a cool glass of bitter.
Congrats on being freshly pressed, Pauly. Finally, WordPress figured out what folks like us have known for a while now. You write some gooood shit, man. Bask in the glory, my friend. You so deserve it. Love, Marius
love reading this article.. thanks..
I found this post on Freshly Pressed and all I can say is wow. Such a great post. So firstly congrats on the FP! 😀
What you are saying is true of most addiction which is sad as that is how the addiction starts as you are constantly trying to find that great feeling that you had before but taking it one step further to feel.
Once again – great post 😀
Yes, life is beautiful – and so is this post. Addiction – and loving addicts – runs like a thread through my life. Sadly, my husband never made it through those shadows so I read your good story with an ache because unlike you, he never found the way.
HA!!! AND you were THININ OF SHUTTING IT DOWN????…..I’m SO HAPPY and *CONGRATS* for being picked for *FRESHLY PRESSED*!!!….and of course….another Fantastic post….GOOD FOR YOU PAUL!!….*Catherine* The Ghost of Gamblers Past*!!
I love this post. So powerful – and just everything I would like to say to so many people myself. I quit drinking almost 1 year ago. I wanted to be a non-drinker before I was 50. I made so many bad choices while I was a drinker. The hardest thing is that you no longer can “hang” with your old friends – it just does not work.. However – this is a small price to pay because now at the age of almost 50 – I Live. For the first time in 30 years – I am myself! I am so happy to be alive and discovering how wonderful my life is – Sober! I hope you do not mind but I will be sharing this post with a lot of people!
That’s so wonderful! Congrats on one year of sobriety and your new found freedom. Enjoy every minute of it! ~ Christy
Kudos on being Freshly Pressed, and thanks for a great post. An astringent and forcefully eloquent bash at the eternal human propensity to lie to ourselves, filtered through the haze of alcoholism. I’ll keep your thoughts in mind.
I’m so glad Christy mentioned the Freshly Pressed award so I came back here again and saw all these great comments. So great to see you getting the kudos and recognition you deserve for all your wonderful writing about addiction and recovery. Go Paul! xx
I come from the other side of the coin and love, love, love to see honesty on this topic (along with colorful adjectives, and great metaphors) that help me understand the process of recovery for an addict. Good stuff. Thank you for sharing!
Kenz
http://www.divorcingaddiction.wordpress.com
Brilliant read, great pictures! Thanks!
You “liked” a post on my blog so I decided to click on over and see what you have going on. WHOA!!!! I have only read this post so far, but it completely blew my mind. You are a very talented writer.
When I started my blog it was not only a form of therapy and a way to connect to the sober blogging community, but I also want to become a better writer. What a great way to practice! Not only did this post describe a lot of the feelings I am having on my day 10 of sobriety, you are able to describe in crystal clear (almost shocking) detail exactly how the evil of alcohol affects alcoholics.
Besides continuing to work on my blog, and my sobriety, I have a lot of catching up to do reading all these other fantastic blogs. Yours has certainly caught my attention!!!
Reading this post it really made sense to me why it took me so long to stop drinking. My wife would say we were growing apart and I would say that she was just not as fun as she used to be. Not a great thing to say, but it seemed that way when to me fun was ploughing through x+1 beers on a Friday night at home, by myself, before inevitably listening to old sad songs and waking up with a hangover. I’ve only been off the booze for a little over a month but I’m running, playing guitar again, have so much more energy and wake up ready for the weekend after a quiet Friday night. The romanticism raises its head often, but I have to remember that just one beer becomes ten quickly, and then I lose count and regret my stupidity. Thanks for this post. It really resonates.