About

I am a father, a husband, and a son. I am also a recovered alcoholic, an ex-booze hound. I am 49 yrs old and drank for 25 of those years. I come from 12-step, but I realize that recovery comes in all shapes and forms. There are many paths up the mountain. I take my recovery seriously, but don’t take myself seriously (remember rule #62!) Hospitals, jail cells, detox and ~~the~~ ~~asylum~~ (oops, I mean treatment center) brought me to a place of surrender and with the help of others and a connection to the Creator, I have been lifted to a place far better than I could have imagined in my entire life.

I am also a life coach who specializes in addiction recovery and also helping others re-evaluate their relationship with alcohol. I also help people in their life transitions – retirement, new careers, moving house, promotions, etc. whatever it is that brings you to that place of self-doubt, low confidence and lack of accountability in making decisions.

You can find out more at my site, Paul Silva Coaching.

I wish you a marvelous and amazing journey to a newer and shinier you. You are exactly where you need to be!

74 Comments Add yours

sherryd32148 says:

January 12, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Just found your blog from another blog (isn’t that how the blog world works?) and I love the message you share. I look forward to catching up and reading new posts. God bless.

Sherry

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 13, 2013 at 7:21 pm
  
  Thanks Sherry! I too look forward to your new posts…what a lovely, small world we are in.
  
  Reply
runningonsober says:

January 29, 2013 at 8:28 pm

Thanks for the follow! I remember seeing your recent comment on ByeByeBeer’s latest post, and I was going to look you up, but you beat me to it. Happy to have connected here. I hope to post and comment more in the near future–life has thrown me a few curve balls lately. Take care, Christy

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 30, 2013 at 5:55 pm
  
  Thanks Christy! I appreciate the shout out here. I look forward to catching up on your awesome blog and to connect as well. Cheers!
  
  Reply
stephenedwards425 says:

January 31, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Thank you for deciding to follow another old alkie…wishing and praying the very best for you and yours…much love to you brother…be encouraged!

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  February 3, 2013 at 5:21 pm
  
  Hi Stephen – thanks for the note. Alkies have to stick together, don’t we? Have a wonderful day!
  
  Reply
  1. stephenedwards425 says:
    
    February 3, 2013 at 6:38 pm
    
    You bet we do Brother…if only to show the way to others…much love and many blessings to you and all of yours…be encouraged!
    
    Reply
fern says:

February 2, 2013 at 11:58 pm

Catchy title. I like it. Ditto for the background beach stones. I look forward to reading your blog.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  February 3, 2013 at 5:22 pm
  
  Thanks Fern, as I do yours. All the best!
  
  Reply
Erika says:

February 5, 2013 at 12:47 am

I’m glad you found my blog! That way I can read your path through recovery. I think ED’s and alcohol addictions are quite parallel. I’m looking forward to reading you and I wish YOU the best in your recovery, Paul! Nice meeting ya.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 7, 2013 at 10:56 pm
  
  You are right, ED’s and alcohol addictions can certainly come from the same place, emotionally…trying to fill a hole, a void in us that we couldn’t before…so very true. nice meeting you too!
  
  Reply
writeonce1770 says:

February 28, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Thanks for visiting. Just started this one.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 7, 2013 at 10:56 pm
  
  My pleasure…thank YOU for visiting as well!
  
  Reply
Lisa L Keck says:

March 6, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Thanks for liking my blog. I’m curious, do you have any brothers or sisters? I didn’t see that in your intro. Glad you found your way out of the bottle and are sharing the message. The Inside Out Men’s Home uses Celebrate Recovery which as I understand it is a combination of the 12-step principles and Biblical principles.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 7, 2013 at 10:59 pm
  
  Hi Lisa – I do have a brother, in fact. Without getting into much, we don’t have much of a relationship, but who knows where things will lead? I do wish him well, thought. He is younger than me. Yes, I am blessed to be able to share the message of hope. It was carried to me and I feel a responsibility to do the same to others who suffer. It helps me too. I haven’t heard of Celebrate Recovery, but will certainly check it out…as I will continue to check out and read more from your blog. Thank you so much for being here.
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. Lisa L Keck says:
    
    March 7, 2013 at 11:38 pm
    
    Celebrate Recovery was started at Saddleback Church in Southern CA and they even use it in prisons because of the recitavism rate. I didn’t check before coming over here to reply but i think there’s a link on my blog. I didn’t have much a relationship with my brother when he was drinking but we’ve got all of Eternity to walk along the Heavenly streets of gold and catch up. The sibling relationship intrigues me because when I was writing my book I had to do a market analysis and what was out there was written by recovered alcoholics or their parents. I still feel alone sometimes like the only little sister on the planet who had to watch her brother spiral out of control but now I follow a couple blogs and have a couple facebook friends and know I’m not alone. On the other hand sometimes I wish I was the only one–I wish other people didn’t have to go through this same pain.
    
    Reply
Natasha Morrison says:

March 7, 2013 at 6:44 pm

I found your blog, and I’m really glad I did. My mother also a “recovering” alcoholic. If she were to write an ‘about me’ section it would almost match yours apart from the ‘I take my recovery seriously’ as she is still drinking despite all the detox centers, police involvement, social service involvement, support groups, medical warnings, self-help books and mindfulness.

I think that’s why I am so interested in your blog. I want to know from what source do you gain your strength through that my mother hasn’t? She was told that if she continues she will be dead in >5 years; yet she continues, ignoring the fact that my siblings are still young enough to need her care for at least another 10/15 years.

Also, as a child of an alcoholic, without needing to know the in-depth details, I must say thank you; you have done more for your children than you can imagine. You have taught them strength and willpower and most importantly that you love yourself and them too much to let a substance ruin everything. I hope this post hasn’t come across wrong.

My main point was, I understand how hard a road it is, and I have the up most respect for you.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 7, 2013 at 11:07 pm
  
  Hi Natasha – I am really glad we’ve connected – I have lurked in your blog (lol) and have made the rare move of not commenting (but I promise to!) – I usually like commenting away. I am sorry to hear that your mother is still suffering from this. I can go through that checklist you gave and say “yup” as I check them off. I have been through all of that. All. And it’s really hard, and even harder to watch, I can only imagine. I don’t think I would have the strength to watch a loved one go through what I did – I wouldn’t have the patience, so I can only say how lucky I am to have such a wonderful wife, patient parents and amazing friends and family.
  
  To be honest, it wasn’t so much inner strength – it was sheer desperation and have gone through so much that I just said one day that I was DONE. That was it – it was utter demoralization and knowing that I would die from it. Well, let me rephrase. I knew I would die from it, but kept drinking. But there was something in me that just knew that I couldn’t do it any longer…it was surrender. It isn’t until we get full surrender then we can start to recover.
  
  Thank you so kindly for these comments. I never know who will read this (and for a long time, no one did…it was more a place for me to just write and nothing else), and I am glad we have connected. It feels very powerful.
  
  Thank you.
  
  You have certainly made this all worth it. I wish you and your mother nothing but a healthy road ahead.
  
  Paul
  
  Reply
The Water Bearer says:

April 5, 2013 at 12:37 am

Great to hear you have turned your life around. I wonder when time comes that you know you have to take steps to getting help. Is it when you realise you have tried on your own before and failed and you got sick of the struggle, or because there was literally no where lower to go? Curious for a loved one…..
Good luck with it all, sending blogging blessings and regular blessings to you!

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  April 17, 2013 at 10:27 pm
  
  Thank you so much! Sorry for the late response. To your question – it was a bit of everything, in terms of trying on my own and failing, AND getting sick of the struggle AND there really wasn’t any lower to go…my choices would have been jail, the hospital or the morgue. We alcoholics eventually get covered up, locked up or sobered up, as they say. I had enough pain and suffering and realized that I was DONE for good and for all. I couldn’t go it any more. I had no more fight in me. I had to push ego aside for a moment and realize I couldn’t do it any more.
  
  And in that surrendering, I found the strength to continue and get into detox, treatment and AA. I haven’t found it necessary to put a drink in me for almost two years now.
  
  Thank you so much for coming by…I hope to visit your blog too.
  
  Blogging blessings back!
  
  Paul
  
  Reply
destamae says:

April 17, 2013 at 8:10 pm

Just found your blog- I’m on this recovery journey as well- I’m a mother of 2- 30 something… Blessings to you! Keep up the great work!

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  April 17, 2013 at 10:23 pm
  
  So glad that we connected! I hope that you continue to visit. I read your profile, and you certainly are on quite the journey yourself. Fellow travelers we all are. I tried to find a link to your blog. Hopefully I too can find it and check in on you as well.
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. destamae says:
    
    April 18, 2013 at 3:05 pm
    
    A link to follow it you mean?
    
    Reply
  2. destamae says:
    
    April 18, 2013 at 3:13 pm
    
    Just added the link…but here you go…thanks for mentioning that- I didn’t realize I didn’t have the link on there! http://www.recoveringbygrace.wordpress.com
    
    Reply
WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

June 17, 2013 at 6:37 pm

Love your rule #62 🙂

I don’t know why I didn’t stop by here before. It’s great to read you that bit closer.

Alcohol, such a sinister spirit. I started in teens, been drinking 30 years. It’s now on the peripheral of my life, almost kicked. There’s an element of me that holds on to it. I can’t figure that as I consciously prefer sobriety, clear headedness, more productive and alert days. Yet sometimes I just want to hit myself over the head with a bottle.

I’m on a 100 day challenge (day 2!!). I was not able to manage 10 days, so when I saw a blog saying ‘Make this pledge, I won’t drink no matter what… etc.. and send me an email stating ‘Sober today'” – when I saw that on the weekend, I thought I’d do it. Alcohol has ceased to be the big problem it was, but there is clearly something about me that seeks to sabotage myself from time to time.

Anyway! Thank you for being there, true and honest.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  June 17, 2013 at 11:57 pm
  
  Thanks for the stop by and comment, Noeleen 🙂
  
  I am thrilled that booze is on the peripheral on your life. Dang…wish it was on mine all those years. But it is what it is, and this is where our journeys take us, yes? We have crossed paths here, my friend, and I take that with a sense of wonderment and joy. And speaking of joy – you have joined Belle’s 100 day challenge, have you? Seems like she has really gathered something special there, with so many wonderful women like yourself on board. What a beautiful thing! I am glad you are a part of it.
  
  And thank you for being a part of things here. I am very touched that you commented…and for reading.
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
kristinrecovering says:

August 1, 2013 at 1:38 pm

Just found your blog! Thanks for sharing:) I am new to sobriety and finding a great deal of comfort in the blogs like yours. Writing my own blog is also therapeutic. Thanks for your honesty. Feels good to know I am not the only 40 something year old and the only alcoholic out there:-)

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  August 2, 2013 at 7:17 am
  
  Glad we ran into one another, Kristin. I have checked out your blog and certainly look forward to reading more. I too find writing cathartic and a good way to let the squirrels run loose, so to speak. And yeah, no shortage of us 40 somethings out there who enjoyed (and hated) numbing with the booze 🙂
  
  Blessings and thank you for the comments,
  
  Paul
  
  Reply
N℮üґ☼N☮☂℮ṧ says:

October 17, 2013 at 9:30 am

Hi Paul,

Thank you for the follow. I’ve read many of your comments on Christy’s blog. She has the highest regard for you, and so do I. I apologize that it’s taken me this long to share that with you. I’m looking forward to reading your blog postings.

It’s a pleasure to ‘officially’ meet you. 🙂

Victoria

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  October 17, 2013 at 11:02 am
  
  Hi Victoria,
  
  yes! So glad that we have finally hooked up out here. I know you from Christy’s blog and I have also seen you on Eric’s (Le Clown) regularly. Your vulnerability post was fantastic and decided I needed to follow you 🙂
  
  I too look forward to reading your wise and insightful work. It’s a pleasure to have another ally and comrade out here.
  
  Love and light,
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. N℮üґ☼N☮☂℮ṧ says:
    
    October 17, 2013 at 11:17 am
    
    Thank you, Paul. I feel I should note (or perhaps warn you) that in some of my blog postings, on both blogs, I have talked about religion, and it’s negative impact on me, on others and society as a whole. For many, religion and God/Creator are synonymous. It is never my intention to offend anyone, or their faith. It’s only to point out how harmful religion can be, and has been. It’s about the ‘traditions of men’ — those who will do just about anything to control others, often for the sake of a ‘reward’, as in approval and a pass through the pearly gates.
    
    Returning that love and light,
    
    Victoria
    
    Reply
    1. carrythemessage says:
      
      October 17, 2013 at 11:30 am
      
      No worries, Victoria – I am not religious in any formal matter. I am surrounded by many who embrace certain religions, those who are indifferent / agnostic / atheist, and those who have difficult relationships / different vies on religion. It’s not at all tied into what I call the Creator. There’s lots of room on this ship 🙂
      
      Paul
      
      Reply
      1. N℮üґ☼N☮☂℮ṧ says:
        
        October 17, 2013 at 11:33 am
        
        Whew – and yay!
        
        I love ships with lots of room. I don’t get as sea sick. 😀
treyzguy says:

December 15, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Author Catherine Lyon told me about your blog because we share a certain….problem. I have seen that we all tend to follow the same patterns and past to some extent. I am looking forward to reading more.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  December 17, 2013 at 7:29 am
  
  Ah Catherine – what a wonderful person. And yes, seems like we share a common problem. But we also have solutions if and when we want them. Took me a while to get there, I can tell you. Too long, if truth be told. Almost killed me. Anyway, welcome. I am certainly going to check out your corner of the world, kind sir.
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
stacilys says:

January 1, 2014 at 5:38 pm

Hey there. Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the blogosphere and liking my post. Blessings =)

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 13, 2014 at 10:11 pm
  
  I dig a lot of what you write now… 🙂
  
  Glad we have crossed paths!
  
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. stacilys says:
    
    January 15, 2014 at 1:19 pm
    
    Awww, thanks Paul ‘Silva’ =). Do you have some Portuguese or Brazilian in you?
    Blessings
    –Staci
    
    Reply
    1. carrythemessage says:
      
      January 15, 2014 at 2:46 pm
      
      Somewhere down the family tree there is some Brazilian. Folks are from South America, but not Brazil. Small country underneath it 😉
      
      Reply
stacilys says:

January 13, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Hey Paul. Just stopping by to let you know that I’ve nominated you for “The Versatile Blogger Award”. You can find the rules here: http://stacilys.wordpress.com/?p=749
Blessings =)
Staci

Reply
1. stacilys says:
  
  January 13, 2014 at 10:04 pm
  
  Me again Paul. Supposedly there was a problem with the link for the post. It’s fixed now so you can see it at http://stacilys.wordpress.com/
  Blessings=)
  –Staci
  
  Reply
  1. carrythemessage says:
    
    January 13, 2014 at 10:15 pm
    
    Awwwww…thank you! I just replied on your wonderful site. thank again…what a very kind and generous thing 🙂
    
    Love and light,
    Paul
    
    Reply
MamaMickTerry says:

January 20, 2014 at 10:42 am

Beautiful site and words…I’m hooked and ready to read more. I’m also glad to see that you and Christy (runningonsober and Christina’s words) found each other–she is amazing!
I can see that you are, too 🙂
Looking forward to seeing more!

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 20, 2014 at 4:57 pm
  
  Thank you so much for your warm and generous comments. Christy is fantastic, isn’t she? She has inspired more people than I can even count, myself included. I was drawn to your energy and your way of expressing yourself. I look forward to reading your work 🙂
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
Kina Diaz DeLeon says:

January 24, 2014 at 10:38 am

Paul,
Thank you for visiting, reading, and following. Glad to meet you. I’ll have to thank El Guapo for the introduction.

Blessings,
Kina

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 24, 2014 at 10:50 am
  
  He’s a good man, indeed. I am just starting to get out of my little corner of the world and engaging and being a part of a greater family. I really enjoyed what I have seen so far in your blog. I look forward in reading more 🙂
  
  Love and light,
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. Kina Diaz DeLeon says:
    
    January 24, 2014 at 10:54 am
    
    Paul,
    I agree. I can relate to what you’ve said. I need to reconnect to my fellow bloggers who have helped me get to this point and expand out to ones who are new to me as well. Life gets in the way sometimes, lol.
    
    I’m glad what I’m sharing is relatable for you.
    
    Be well,
    Kina
    
    Reply
Ann Koplow says:

January 26, 2014 at 12:53 pm

“Garden variety.” Gardens are beautiful. Thanks for being here.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 26, 2014 at 2:14 pm
  
  I never thought of it that way! That made me smile, Ann. thank you for that gift!
  
  Glad you’re here too.
  
  Going to see what’s going on in your corner of the world 🙂
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
The Waiting says:

January 30, 2014 at 1:51 pm

Recovery is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. Thank you for sharing your story here!

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  January 31, 2014 at 5:18 pm
  
  Thanks. I do my best 🙂
  
  Reply
fern says:

February 5, 2014 at 6:46 pm

I nominated you for the sunshine award!

http://emotionaldrinkingdotcom.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/gratitude-for-sunshine-award/

Thanks for all your support and for brightening my days.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  February 9, 2014 at 9:58 pm
  
  Thanks Fern 🙂
  
  Reply
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Deanna Herrmann says:

February 16, 2014 at 4:01 am

Hi! I keep seeing you around so I thought I better come check out your blog. 🙂 Congratulations on your recovery. That takes a lot of hard work and commitment so you have much to be proud of. I look forward to reading more.

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  February 16, 2014 at 8:47 am
  
  Hi Deanna – thanks for stopping by! And thanks for the kind words too. I’ve been enjoying stepping out of the recovery world a bit and checking out what you “normal” people have been up to…lol. I look forward to reading more of your words too – following back 🙂
  
  Love and light,
  Paul
  
  Reply
annarosemeeds says:

February 25, 2014 at 2:22 pm

I just wanted you to know that I nominated you for an award here – http://annarosemeeds.wordpress.com/2014/02/25/awards-galore-and-what-to-do-with-awards/

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 28, 2014 at 10:15 pm
  
  Oh my stars…how embarrassing. How did I miss this?! I am sorry – I have been taking a break from the blog, so saw this today. Ack! Anyway, thank you so much for your kindness and generosity. I am flattered 🙂 I hope that you have a wonderful weekend and congrats to you on all the awards you got nominated for!!
  
  Blessings,
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. annarosemeeds says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 5:04 pm
    
    Thank you! 😀
    
    Reply
erics1100paces says:

March 9, 2014 at 6:00 am

Husband, father, son, 42 years old. Ditto on all four. 25 years of drinking out of the 42? Give or take, yeah. That too. But you must have started regular consumption a bit younger, because I only have 73 days since my last drink, while you’re in long enough to have sponsees. Thanks for writing here. I need to read good words from people with time. And it helps when I’ve got some stuff in common with the writer.

Reply
stacilys says:

March 28, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Hey Paul, I know you’re taking a break and may not really accept awards, but I think your awesome. Sooooooo, that being said, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Bloggers Award. Of course you don’t have to accept it. But if you should choose to, you can read about it and find the rules here:
http://stacilys.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/versatile-blogger-award/
🙂

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  March 28, 2014 at 10:18 pm
  
  Hey you,
  
  You’re too kind. I think you may have picked up on the fact that I don’t really do awards here. I struggled with it for a while, whether to do awards or not, and I guess I figured the blog wouldn’t “look” right with the badges, etc. but I am always flattered and honoured when someone nominates me. So big hugs to you for doing that! Means a lot.
  
  Hope you are well, my friend 🙂
  
  Paul
  
  Reply
  1. stacilys says:
    
    March 28, 2014 at 10:32 pm
    
    Hahaha. Yeah, I’m struggling a bit too actually. I have some other awards since way back that I haven’t attended to. I think I’m going to start not accepting as well. I just nominated you because I think you’re a great writer and really appreciate you.
    🙂
    Yes, I’m well thanks. Hope you are too.
    
    Staci
    
    Reply
    1. carrythemessage says:
      
      March 28, 2014 at 10:39 pm
      
      I know – sometimes you get folks who blow it all out at once! lol. But it’s sweet, in the end. It’s like a virtual pat on the back 🙂
      
      Thank you for what you say – I love your writing / poems too. There is a reason our paths crossed. Let’s hope they stay crossed for a while!
      
      Paul
      
      Reply
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Mar says:

June 28, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Hi, I’m thinking that i am glad i found this blog and others! I havent had a drink for 10 months, though my whole life I heard that small still voice telling me to give it up. It didnt ruin my life, i was the very very funcional alcoholic, ( and dysfuncional while alone.). When I got so gravely ill with another physical/cerebral issue, that was it. Hadn’t had a desire for so long and recently the “need” is creeping in again. My whole story is on blog which started to not go bonkers on bedrest for so long. Anyway, will subscribe and hope to pass by more often. 🙂 Mar

Reply
Angie Mc says:

December 17, 2014 at 7:13 pm

Glad to meet you via Wayfarer, Paul! Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more from you.

Reply
James F. O'Neil says:

December 18, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Thanks. I found you through Holistic Journey. I like the site. I passed it along. See me @ memoriesofatime on WP

Reply
Jeanne says:

March 30, 2015 at 7:47 pm

Cool !!
Picking up inspiration from you & others.
I been happy joyous free & sober for 8 years now. I’m brand new to the blogging & tweeting world.
I’ll be back to visit yours!!

Reply
yeoja (@yujachingu) says:

August 9, 2015 at 11:51 pm

Hi Paul. Just discovered KLEN and SOBER which led me to you. Am listening to the podcast you did with Chris and Jeff and getting so much from the conversation as I am about a year and a half sober now…Anyway, looking forward to getting familiar with your blog and thoughts…Thanks.

Reply
Catherine Townsend-Lyon, Author says:

October 1, 2015 at 11:19 am

I’m thinkin it has been TO LONG since my last visit!! You classed the place up with a new funky look? Love it ! Hope all has been blessed your way friend 🙂 XO
Now I will go read what you have been up to! LOL.
Blessings,
Cat

Reply
1. carrythemessage says:
  
  October 7, 2015 at 2:15 pm
  
  Thanks Cat!! You are such a wonderful support and encourager of things recovery…your passion is contagious!!
  
  Reply
Andrea says:

June 28, 2016 at 4:25 pm

Thanks for your openness about your experience with recovery! So important to help fight the stigma!

I wanted to encourage you to check out Quartet’s Patient Advisory Committee, it’s a cool opportunity for people who are open to sharing their experiences with chronic behavioral health conditions to make an impact: http://www.quartethealth.com/patients

Reply