Nothing Is Wrong, But Nothing Seems Right

This seems just a little bit different.  It seems to be clinging on a bit more.  It seems to be a bit deeper.  There is a cloak feeling to it, as opposed to strips of it passing over me like those dull blue scrubbers at the car wash. I can’t put my finger on it,…

Tuning, Turning, Tethering…And At Last, Breath.

But nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight — Got to kick at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight Bruce Cockburn, “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” If you had asked me on one of those first floundering days in detox what my overall goal was, I would have answered something along the lines of…

Have You Met My Friend Jack?

“I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leading but two things right now: Jack and shit… and Jack just left town”.  – From Army of Darkness. While not exactly the most elegant quote, someone in a meeting used a variation of that one the other night – that there were only two things he knew out there while drinking…

Dodging And Burning…Or Life Can’t Be Photoshopped.

I really used to be into photography – back when chemicals and darkrooms and countless hours developing paper in washes and acids was exciting and yet painfully tedious.  No “erase” buttons on the cameras back then.  Just hoping that the f Stops and depths-of-field were correct.  Bracket shots just in case.  Have lots of film…

Thirst Quenching

His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God. – Carl Jung, in a letter to Bill Wilson, 1961 I am not a religious person. Doesn’t mean I am anti-religion.  I have just never taken to…

Two Years

Two years ago, I took my last drink. A loving God separated me from alcohol on May 4, 2011, and for that I am eternally grateful. If I knew it would be my last drink, I would have made it a fancy one.  But we all know that our last drinks are rarely festive.  Our…

Hope Is What I Needed

This is a piece I wrote about Step 2 for my old treatment center, Renascent.  It came out today in their weekly e-newsletter. Thanks for reading! I lie in bed, staring at the imaginary blue worms on the walls and listening to what sounds like a ball game on a distant television.  Three sleepless nights…

My Day in Court

Literally. I sit in a coffee shop awaiting my lawyer’s phone call to tell me what is happening.  I am across the street from the court houses.  The court room I am scheduled to be in also has people with charges of breaking and entering, firearms possession, theft over $5000, fraud, sexual assault, etc.  So…

Came to Believe…

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity I haven’t thought of this step in a while, as I am in my first round of the steps.  But I was at a meeting the other day and we read this.  Now, normally I would skip the roundabout…