Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

I have been feeling rather shitty lately. Not the kind of bummed-out-that-my-team-didn’t-win-last-night type of shitty, but the kind where your wife asks you, in a light-hearted way, if you are going to pick up again or worse, harm yourself. The type that duct tapes a black garbage bag over you while submerged in alien snot-slime…

How Alcohol Saved My Life

I know, strange to say on a recovery blog, but bear with me. Let me state off the top that alcohol in any way, shape or form right now would kick in my physical cravings and mental obsession.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  If I were to swig any alcohol in…

A Joy To Be Hidden

“It’s a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found” – D. W Winnicott We were watching a documentary the other day that featured Mariel Hemingway and her family.  “Running From Crazy” spoke to the brokenness of the Hemingways, which of course included the legacy (or anti-legacy, if you will) of her…

Achilles, Heal

It started slowly. An pang here, a twitch there.  A subtle twist around the bend, a tightening up on the turn, a soft throbbing down the hill. Aches and pains are part and parcel of any physical activity. Running especially, considering the pounding the body gets as forces push and pull and bounce around like…

Nothing Is Wrong, But Nothing Seems Right

This seems just a little bit different.  It seems to be clinging on a bit more.  It seems to be a bit deeper.  There is a cloak feeling to it, as opposed to strips of it passing over me like those dull blue scrubbers at the car wash. I can’t put my finger on it,…

The Verdict

Word finally came down from Her Honour yesterday.   It has been over two years of legal jumping jacks and deciding what tie to wear with my suit.  It’s been over two years of having the Sword of Damocles hanging over me.  It’s been over two years of delays, listening to sad case after sad…