Balancing the Universe?

It’s funny what comes into our lives when we’re not running it.  That is the one thing that I am in awe of.  The third step commitment to continue the program and give my life and will to God has given me gifts that I never thought possible.

We’ve been blessed with a new child in our lives.

He is adopted.  And from the city.  We had sought out international adoption and they all fell through.   Little did we know that what we needed was in our own backyard.  My drinking was a factor is some of those things falling through.  My guilt and shame were burdensome at times, wondering if we were getting punished for my alcoholism.  I was more concerned about my wife and son losing out on the chance of having another family member because of my actions.  I think that is what kept me blocked from the Big Guy Upstairs at times.  My guilt and shame.

But it would seem that my living amend to my first son seems to be expanded.  The birth mother of our new son is also an alcoholic, and addict.  So my alcoholism brought me to a place where I can care for the child of a still suffering alcoholic.  It’s like the universe requested balance and it was given.

So it is with all of this that my gratitude is even greater.  That I could be placed in this new state of fatherhood, with a child that was born not from my wife’s womb, but through the Grace of God.  It is something that brings deeper faith in God and knowing that all that guilt and shame were wasted emotions.  The plan was there all along – I just had to be content to trust His wisdom.

I am a happy dad.

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